I had another blessed, sunny afternoon. All four children are either sleeping or contentedly otherwise engaged (but mostly sleeping or soon to be). Ironically, my All Sons and Daughters Pandora station is my life soundtrack at the moment and I’m listening, worshiping, writing, and relishing the silence and space.
The most pressing update is obviously, “how is the transition going from 2 to 3 and now 3 to 4 children 5 and under?”…I’ll tell you what, that’s a lot of numbers crammed into one sentence! And the answer is: well. The transition is going mostly well. This is a new stage of life and definitely a whole new ball game of parenting, but I believe we’ll make it through this with our sanity (mostly) in tact. The transition at this point has very little to do with “adoption” but much more with the balancing act of simply meeting everyone’s basic needs and loving them well, while still maintaining a home, new business, and oh, I don’t know, marriage :)
Surely, we are tired and the never-ending-ness of it all can feel overwhelming, but reality is, most people and parents have experienced that at one point or another. The balance between pure joy and excruciating demands ebbs and flows, often all in the same day. There are days so smooth we’re practically singing Kumbaya in a circle and then there are days I am this close to curling up in the fetal position and rocking in a corner.
However, I am being totally honest when I say that I am trying to cherish this season, because I know that it is just that…a season. I love this time. I love it in the same way we’re called to love a spouse; not as an emotion or as the mood strikes, but as a choice. Just like I love my husband, I love this time and these kids way down deep in my core. The days that are hard, I wish for a time of rest. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Could I keep this pace for the rest of my life and do it with ease? Hardly (I can’t keep it up for a full week without melting down and cataloging my woes). It is demanding, very, but it is only for a time and I don’t want the time to pass without embracing all that it has to offer.
And, it was a long time in coming. This previous pregnancy and our time waiting on adoption was a different season, but now, I am so deeply grateful for how the Lord has brought our family together! Even in the midst of what I’d like to think is controlled chaos – but is probably just actual chaos – I feel confident that we are leaning more fully into who God has called us to be as a family.
There are times when I can’t seem to manage the day-to-day and can’t figure out how anyone else possibly does. When all I want to do is cry, or yell, or be silent…or all three at the same time. When I am a complete pill to my dear husband who also works hard all day and then comes home wearing his servant’s heart on his sleeve. Or vice versa.
We are being refined.
But God knows what He is doing. Prayerfully, I am becoming more and more of the women, wife, and mother the Lord desires me to be. I’m in a place that is testing my limits, my strength, my patience, my endurance; a place I never would have thought I could handle, but I’m doing it none-the-less. We waited and prayed for this child, for all of our children, and it just so happened that in this situation, two babies was better than one. I am so excited to see who they will become and how these two little lives (among their other siblings) will interact with one another – best buds or oil and water; or as it is with most things, a little bit of both at any given time. I’m not sure, but I know that it is not without purpose either way.
We are still shocked that we have four kids. Looking at a new family photo the other day, Andy said, “I recognize you and me, but who are the rest of these people?” We’ve been married six years, we blinked, and now we have four children.
It is surreal.
~ Becca
How was your transition to adoption? or multiples? or being a “mom of (sort-of) many”? Please share – I’m always open to making the transition go more smoothly!
Images from Instagram!
Becca V
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Thank you for the update on how things are going. I’ve wondered! The pics are precious–oh, what a beautiful family. And the two littles together–God is so good. His timing is never wrong or late. You have the children HE intends you to have–to bless you and them.
You asked about transitions and how it went. Do you have time for a book? I’ll try to keep it short. My husband and I were both older when we married. Wanted a family right away, but God’s plans were different. Initially DH wasn’t open to adoption but as time wore on and no kids, medical testing determined there was nothing wrong with either or us, we were just part of the 1-2% of unexplained infertility. We didn’t have the money for treatments (and honestly I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through that route). We slowly began to explore the idea of adoption. From the time we were married until we brought our two children home from overseas was 17 years. Talk about a l.o.n.g transition! People think we are raising grandchildren as everyone our age is either almost finished raising kids and/or starting on grands. But we know we have the children God wants us to have. There were too many miracles in our getting our children. We went from 2 reaching middle-aged adults to all of sudden a family of 4 with two of them being 3.5 years old–no English, malnourished, having no idea what family is, and why did you take me from the only thing I knew attitude! Adoption is hard–for the adopting family and for the child. Even though you got your son as an newborn, he will experience loss–deep loss–at some point in his life. And that is okay. It is a necessary part of the transition to family and acceptance. The hardest day in my life was also a blessed day–the day we received our children from the orphanage and brought them back to our hotel room. The nannies had told me they take a nap in the afternoon so after our lunch I laid them down on the bed for a nap. I guess that’s when the reality of what had happened to them set in. The two just laid on that bed and cried. And cried. And cried. I tried to comfort–but I was a stranger, using a strange language–and totally unable to comfort them. I have worked with kids my whole life. Kids flock to me. Not these two! My heart hurt for these kids I would give my life for. I could not help them through this. The three of us lay on that bed crying for the longest time. Finally they slept. Fast forward–they are now 11. I can’t keep them away from me. We joke about my getting “five minutes peace” (good kids storybook if you ever get to read it). God is still good. The transition from couple to family was rough at times. I understand the sleep depravity–this shall pass, the long hours of sitting with a child(ren) on my lap so they will bond with me (see above comment), the doctor visits (then and now–one has several issues needing medical supervision), and a whole lot more. Was it worth it? Every moment. I would not be the wife, mother, person I am today without my children. God KNOWS what I need. He KNOWS what they need. And He found us to be BEST for all of us! God has blessed you in many, many ways, your children just being one way. He is faithful, true, the Rock we lean into when we need, the Strong Tower we run to when we need, and so much more. He will never, ever fail you. Transitions in one way don’t even matter–unless it is our allowing God to make us more like Christ. Everything else is, well, transitional. Things change, people change, circumstances change. The only thing that will not change is Jesus. This “story” isn’t quite turning out the way I intended when I started writing, but that’s okay too. You are where you need to be at this point in your life, chaos or not. As long as you chose Jesus in that chaos–you will come through and be blessed. It is He that can call out “Peace, be still!” and see you through the storm/chaos or whatever else is going on. One day you will look back and piece together a lot of the “transitions” of your life and my guess is that you will find Jesus in them. Blessings on the journey.
Oh, Rhoda! Thank you so much for sharing this story and your heart! What an incredible story it is – your infertility, your marriage before children, your waiting on adoption and God and now your parenthood. It was all for his glory and bless you for waiting on his perfect timing. What a testimony. Adoption certainly comes from a place of brokenness and hurt; you’re right, we have different places we’re coming from since Lewis is just a baby, but I know the time and struggle will come as he processes. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is ordained for our family and God brought him to us! Thank you for sharing!
Hi Becca!
Thank you so much for taking the time to not only read my blog, but also to leave such a sweet comment. I’ve spent some time perusing your space this morning and it looks like we have lots in common! =) I’ll certainly be checking back here often.
Joy in Him,
Claire
You bet! Thanks for stopping over here as well and look forward to your return :)
This is my first visit here, so I don’t know all the back story on how you came to have four adorable kiddos in such a short time, but I love your perspective. Yes, is sounds like a crazy busy time, but also a life filled with such joy. I only have two kids, and they are 11 and 16. I miss the younger years sometimes, but I’m telling you,there’s also much to look forward to. Teens can be quite a lot of fun, sometimes. ;)
Thank you, Dawn! I am so cherishing these little years because they are darling and innocent and so full of lovely wonder! But I look forward to all that the later stuff has to offer (and not changing 1000 diapers/day :) and see who each of these precious people become!
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