I have to be honest. I am overjoyed and cannot wait for our adoption. But, I am also a little nervous. I usually rush through a flurry of competing emotions faster than I know how to process them.
Last week,
I was fearful.
But, Fear is not from God. (2 Timothy 1:7)
In fact, Perfect Love casts out Fear (1 John 4:18)
I was anxious.
But scripture says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” Philippians 4:6
I believe every word that flows from the mouth of my God; nonetheless, these feelings are real and need to be processed. I process in writing and prayer, or the combination of the two.
May I share my heart with you in Prayer?
My Precious Heavenly Father,
I am so sad for my adopted child. I am so sorry that his life is beginning with loss. That through no fault of his own, he will be missing the mother that carried him in her womb, the sounds & movement, and what I can only begin to imagine as so much more. I know that your hand is on this precious life and that you have orchestrated what is to be his and our beautiful, unique family.
This is where I always knew we’d come, now that we’re here it is foreign. Frightening. There are one thousand things to fear and if left unchecked, I will fear them all. Apart from you, Lord, fear will consume me. But indeed, you have not given me a Spirit of fear and timidity, but one of power and love and self-control. Instead, God, meet me now.
Let me rest in you, taking every thought captive and holding it up to the light of your Truth. You have not called me to a place where you will not be.
Would you please, please hold this birth mother and this baby in your arms? I know you will because you have known and loved her and her baby from before time. You have knit this child together and know the depths of his being.
Adoption is painful, brought about by brokenness: a lost, lonely, and broken world, filled with lost, lonely, and broken people, struggling to find what satisfies which can only be found in you. Is she struggling to decide whether this child’s life is worth giving, or bearing the burden of giving away? Dear God, let her give us life! Grant her your peace which transcends all understanding that she might be confident you are with her and will walk beside her.
I know YOUR heart for adoption. You have a sacrificial heart for those who are lost, lonely, abandoned, afraid, oppressed – the fatherless, the widow, and the poor. Sacrificial to the point of death; that you would give your very life so anyone who accepts you will truly find a forever home with you in eternity, a confidence in belonging that NO one will ever know this side of Heaven.
Your heart beats wildly for those the world does not recognize as having great worth.
Break my heart.
God, “break my heart for what breaks yours.”
Give me strength and perseverance, that I would not recoil as Satan whispers and the world taunts, but that I would follow your lead. That I would NOT fear the “what-ifs” – sickness, struggle, strain – rather that I would rest assured, if you bring us to these things, you will bring us through them. Not necessarily through them unstained, but through them as a stretched, refined, matured version of the woman, wife, and mother I am.
Would you wash over this child with the depth of your loving Spirit that he would walk with you always in righteousness? That he would remain in you always, like John the Baptist, like the martyrs in their conversion, life, and death; like Jesus himself who walked so closely with you he gave no concern to his own adoption, but rather invited us into it. Please let this child grieve every loss he will experience at mere days old and come to a rich understanding of the son ship you bestow upon him if he accepts you. I pray for his physical health and well-being, that every fiber of his being would develop as you see fit.
Grant me peace.
In the name of Jesus, take captive every fear and replace it with the certainty, joy, & gratitude that only come from knowing you.
Amen {Let it Be}
I am feeling much better, less anxious and more confident than I was last week. The second half of last week I took a break from media (and the constant input of new information) and spent a lot more time writing & praying. We really appreciate your prayers during this process. Prayers for: our child, his birth mother, our marriage and family; our peace, patience, and perseverance!
Was there a time you remember fearing? What were your prayers and/or how did you find rest?
Sharing this post with: Cornerstone Confessions, Time-Warp Wife, Growing Home, Raising Arrows, Walking Redeemed, Serving Joyfully, Raising Mighty Arrows, & Christian Mommy Blogger
Becca V
Latest posts by Becca V (see all)
- My New Favorite Carseat - September 16, 2016
- Quick Lit: April 2015 - April 15, 2015
- How’s It Going? - February 24, 2015
I add my prayers for you and your family as you all navigate this new adventure. Prayers that you will trust that God is in control and that all will be well even if we mess up!
Amen! Thanks for sharing this journey.
I’m honored to and thankful for those following along!
What a wonderful gift you are giving not only this child God has for you, but for the birth mother too–the gift to grieve. As an adopted mama of two, I can only imagine the agony their birth mother’s went through making the decision they made. How their hearts yearn even now 10 years later for these children they never got to know. You are right when you wrote, “Adoption is painful, brought about by brokenness: a lost, lonely, and broken world, filled with lost, lonely, and broken people, struggling to find what satisfies which can only be found in you.” We pray for our “tummy mommy’s” (the name my two gave their birth mothers when they were still quite young). My children today understand that without the loss of their birth mother’s, they would be growing up in a country where it is illegal to be a Christian and most likely would have never even heard the name Jesus. But we pray the impossible, because we have a God for which nothing is impossible–we pray for the salvation of their “tummy’ families. Probably only eternity will show that what the devil used to destroy and steal, God was able to bring beauty into the ashes of their lives and the lives of our children. Never lose the heart you have not only for this child the Lord has called you to raise and call your own, but also for the mother left behind to grieve what she cannot hold. She is forever a part of your family though you may never meet this side of eternity. I can thankfully say that God is abundantly gracious in that my two understand and have accepted the gift of salvation God freely offers. Their prayers as little children, praying for tummy mommies, is all the more relevant to them as they get older and desire to know more about these precious women that gave them life. Don’t lose heart as your journey this path. The way is long, rough, and not usually easy. But the God of the impossible has already given you His heart to go forward. He will lead, guide, protect, defend, and whatever else needs to be in order to bring about His perfect plan for you, your family, and this child He has given you a heart for. I didn’t intend to write a mini epistle when I started, but so wanted to encourage and commend you for sharing your heart with us. Blessings on you and yours as you journey.
Oh, Rhoda, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. They are a wonderful blessing, and as you know, the words of someone who is or has experienced these same emotions and/or struggles are a great gift. Thank you!
I love your story :) I adopted my son at birth and I was adopted out of foster care at 2.5 years old :)
That is amazing, Shelly! You have to offer such a unique perspective and camaraderie in your shared experience!
[…] week Deuteronomy 31 gave me an incredible peace in Praying against Fear in Adoption. If you are struggling with any number of circumstances, I encourage you to meditate on this […]