Adoptive Waiting Questionnaire: Day 60

Waiting Questionarrie

How long have you been waiting? Today is Day 60.

What’s been on your mind? Ironically, 60 days is minimal to so many people waiting for their children – biological or adopted. A dear friend of mine has struggled with infertility for years now and just received additional news on the timeline of even possibly conceiving (unfortunately this is one dear friend among numerous who are enduring this heart-breaking hardship). I have not experienced the pain of infertility. There is no way I can address it with empathy. I can feel sadness and hurt for their heartache, but I have not known that pain and cannot even imagine what it must be like; a desire so profound and seemingly attainable, and yet completely out of your control.  I am praying for those going through this (I know that there are many of you who read right here). Everyone endures their given trials. This has not been mine and it makes me very aware that things could be much different, that children are not guaranteed, and that they are indeed a remarkable blessing from the Lord. I am grateful for the gift of my biological children (and grateful that we are choosing to grow our family differently as well).

How do you feel this week? All that to say, I am EAGER…I wrote anxious, but then changed it. I’m not anxious! I am eager.

I am eager to know what is going on in the universal timeline of our family, haha! Eager to have and hold our next baby. Eager to love, love, love this little blessing that has been the desire of our heart for so long now (from before we were married) and will be a gift when he arrives. Never before in life, have I grown, stretched, and changed more as an individual than since having my children. They challenge me to the hilt, but virtually demand that I grow into a more passionate Christ-follower, more virtuous woman, more patient and loving wife and mother.

There will be difficult, draining, demanding days, but that comes with all children and with any changing circumstances.

What are you doing to prepare? Well, first things first, the obvious priority was figuring out how to play DVDs in the van. We don’t actually have a media system in there, but Andy changed all that last weekend. He built a pretty ingenious (removable :) TV stand involving shower curtain rods and removing the middle seats! Actually, I completely remember driving cross-country long before cars had media systems installed and my dad had built and rigged up this little TV and movie stand between the two front seats, I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

What have you done with your kids this week? 

We had a surprisingly awesome week, Cal is getting some teeth, so I was up with him from 1-4 one night and he was up last night at midnight and then wide awake this morning at 5am. We’ve been tired, so sort of slowed down. But I actually kind of enjoy those times because they are little stolen moments. It is dark, the house is quite, we can cuddle, read, light a candle, turn on some music and just enjoy. The other night, he’d lie on my chest in the rocking chair for about 20 minutes and every time I thought he was asleep he’d pop up wide awake with a book request. Finally, we went downstairs, shared a muffin and watched a PBS show about Otters.

Plus, we carved out time for a Max and Mommy date night! It was awesome. We went out to dinner (had real conversations over dinner) and then went to Barnes and Noble to play at the train table, color on the Nooks, and read. He’s super cool. I forget that sometimes!

Dreaming about/Looking forward to this week: Receiving the call! How surreal will that moment be? Actually, Andy literally had a dream this week about going to get our baby. I didn’t ask his permission to share, so I won’t, but it is pretty clear the Lord directs his people and provides perfectly in his timing. Which brings me shockingly close to where I started…

Are you or is someone you know struggling with infertility? How can we love, serve, and pray for those enduring this pain? What are your favorite resources?

~ Becca

Sharing this post with: The Better MomThe Modest MomMoms the WordA Mama’s StoryAdventures in Mindful LivingCornerstone ConfessionsTime-Warp WifeGrowing HomeRaising ArrowsDeep Roots at HomeWomen Living WellA Wise Woman Builds Her HomeWalking RedeemedServing JoyfullyUpside Down HomeschoolingRaising Mighty Arrows, & Christian Mommy Blogger
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10 Responses to Adoptive Waiting Questionnaire: Day 60
  1. Stacy
    October 26, 2013 | 3:20 pm

    Enjoy those moments with your boys. I love how you know now how special these times are. My kids are 11 & 8 and we cuddle now, but it’s not the same as those baby days. I have a friend who we watch kids overnight for each other every couple of months for date nights with our loves. Two of hers are the same age as mine (we met in childbirth classes with our oldest) and then they have another little boy who is 4. He has Downs Syndrome so developmentally he’s like a two year old and just as tiny. I LOVE cuddling him when he slows down. Such a blessing! And it reminds me of those days with my kids.

    I guess my whole rambling point is to enjoy these days. Take a picture of it in your mind. Treasure them, because truly you wake up one day and those days are gone and you don’t remember when it happened.

    And telling a mom, who is in the trenches of those LONG days of babies and toddlers, to savor these days is probably not what they want to hear. The days are long, but the years fast.

    God Bless you as you wait for your new little one. Since starting to reading your blog about a month ago whenever I get an email saying you have a new post I pray for your little one growing in another woman’s tummy.

    • Becca V
      October 28, 2013 | 4:12 pm

      Oh, thank you Stacy. yes, yes, yes, I try SO hard to enjoy those moments and like you said, it is hard in the days while one is in the trenches, but even then, I KNOW how quickly this will all pass and I want to look back in confidence that I walked with the Lord and tried my hardest to be present and cherish the blessing of every moment. None of it is guaranteed! Also, thank you SO SO much for your prayers. You brought tears to my eyes knowing that people are praying for us and this baby! THANK YOU!

  2. Rhoda
    October 26, 2013 | 7:12 pm

    As someone who waited 17 years for children (finally through adoption), I’m thankful for the mindset that the Lord gave me to rejoice with those that rejoice. Only once during those years did I struggle to see someone else pregnant. Having talked with others, this was not the norm–and for which I am very thankful. Pray that the one with the empty hands can rejoice with and for those with their quiver full. Also encourage your pastors to not forget the barren Hannah’s when they preach on Mother’s Day. One of the hardest services I was ever in was a Mother’s Day service and while the pastor spoke, God was speaking to me. At the invitation, it was for mothers only. He was very specific that ONLY mothers could go forward to pray. I have never felt so left out–God was speaking to me during that service and I was not allowed to go forward to pray. It hurt. I am thankful today for my two children and for the women that gave them life. I will never know the heartache they have known, but then they will never understand mine. Yet our lives are forever intertwined because of the two precious children that join us. We each have a path planned for us by our Heavenly Father. We chose to trust, follow, and obey or to not. For those of us with empty wombs, pray that we can see God’s hand in spite of our feelings, to trust that Hand, to trust the plan He has for our good and His glory. I see today that if my DH and I had had biological children we would not have adopted. God planned for us to have them and them us. Our children, born in a country where it is illegal to be a Christian would never had heard the saving gospel of Jesus Christ. Now not only do they belong to the Lord, we pray for “tummy families” back in their birth country and to spend eternity together. We have a God that delights in the impossible. I look forward to heaven one day and seeing this impossibility as reality. And in this particular case–only because my womb is barren. God is good.

    • Becca V
      October 28, 2013 | 4:10 pm

      Praise God for that perspective. I’ve definitely had friends that found it challenging to be around showers, babies, parties, or another friend announcing they were pregnant…again! I can only imagine what that trial of desiring something so deeply and having little to no control in attaining it. It is especially contrary to our culture of independence and “getting whatever we set our mind to.” Your story is remarkable and God’ hand is evident, thank you for sharing it as well as your insights.

  3. Bonnie Way
    October 28, 2013 | 7:33 pm

    I’m a new reader here (from Fellowship Fridays) so this post confused me… maybe you could link the photo to a post with more info or provide a brief intro at the start of the post? Anyway, I know several families who have adopted so I love hearing about adoption. Good luck on your journey! :)

    • Becca V
      October 28, 2013 | 10:50 pm

      Hi Bonnie ~ Thank you so much for letting me know! I will definitely link to a post that gives more specifics regarding our adoption and these waiting questionnaires! I really appreciate your suggestion!

  4. Christie
    October 30, 2013 | 12:58 am

    Stopping by from the Timewarp Wife Link-Up! Waiting is such a hard thing, isn’t it? My husband and I struggled with the pain of infertility, but were blessed with our first son through the gift of adoption in April of 2012 (it was a 2 year process for us). We are now trying hoping to adopt again, but are having a hard time finding an agency that are accepting “waiting families” right now:-( Trusting God for His perfect plan and timing to grow our little family!

    • Becca V
      October 30, 2013 | 7:13 pm

      Hi, Christie! Thanks for hopping over – Praise God for your first son and I just prayed for you and how the Lord might work and grow your family in the future.

  5. Emily
    October 30, 2013 | 7:03 pm

    Your friend is so blessed to have you in her life! ;) We are experiencing infertility. We are lucky enough to have finally found out the reason and hopefully it can be corrected, but the uncertainty and the waiting are heartbreaking at times. Just loving on them is best. Even when others have experienced infertility every person is different and every situation is different. It is impossible to know what that couple is going through. Reading my Bible and being thankful for all we have has gotten us through so far! I have an amazing natural doctor who has given me great hope as well. She is the first one of many doctors over a two year span who thought to test for Lyme disease and MTHFR, the causes of our infertility.

    • Becca V
      October 30, 2013 | 7:17 pm

      Thanks, Emily! That is definitely one thing I’m learning and (as I’m sure you are) wanting to shout from the roof tops – that women struggling with infertility should DEFINITELY see a Naturopathic Dr. As you said, all circumstances are different, but I’m sure a tremendous amount of women would benefit from this medical stance and find out a lot more about what might be contributing to their infertility. Just hearing that you had two specific conditions that CAUSE such a state is shocking to learn! Thanks for sharing here and I’m sure your story will be a blessing to many!